Our local paper (remember those?) ran a story recently about a young man named Taylor Baldry who sets up a proper table near a popular walking path, and invites passersby to stop for a Free Conversation.  WTF!?!  LOL!!! TMI!!?!!

It’s part of a project (part self-help, part performance art) he calls “The Conversationalist.” And believe it or don’t, he gets many takers—and they report walking away inspired, refreshed, and touched.  This begs the question:

Have we (especially we “haves”) gotten so busy and gadget-dependent that a free-range conversation with a stranger piques a nostalgic interest like a cute kid’s lemonade stand?”

Check out this pic of two Italian men outside the coffee shop.  Now THAT’S communication and connection—complete with waving arms, proximity, and touch.  Americans (especially we cold Northerners) may keep our distance.  But traditionally, we do love to talk.  Yet it seems that even that passion may be going the way of the rotary phone…

• The case for texting

To acknowledge an upside, many parents preach to me that they love texting—because their kids do—so communication with their kids happens where it otherwise might fall silent.  And in these all-at-onceness times, we need all the tools we can get our hands on just to keep up.

Yet this textbook reader often finds that text reading raises more riddles than it solves.  And when one-to-five word communiques replace most other forms, one must ask:

Is what we have here a failure to communicate?”

Example:  Last month, I asked an old acquaintance for a (somewhat involved) favor—via email—which I thought was a patient courtesy versus, say, a phone call.  Days later, I received an embarassed “yes” reply, with the admission that he rarely does email now.  So could we take this conversation on-text?

Of course! Could be my only reply.  But when it comes to texting, I’m all thumbs.  So playing out this arrangement became a new form of time-suck for me, though I happily complied to accommodate his generosity.

• The dying art

Meanwhile, you can’t turn to a legitimate news source these days without stumbling on another story about how we are rewiring our existence, literally and metaphysically.  Students can’t recall simple things when distracted by their digitalia.  Drivers are dying due to DWTexting fools.  And inattentive pedestrians texting or talking on cells are a new target for thugs and thieves.

So forgive those of us that still crave nuance, words, expressions, and I-to-I contact.  I’ll take the life of those Italian friends—who probably have dozens of fun and fervent confrontations a day.

And if I can’t be there, or no one else has the time or attention to talk, really talk, maybe I’ll go for a walk around Lake Calhoun and see if the brave, new conversationalist has a place for me at his table.

Survey sez…

• 32% of parents play computer games with their children every day
• 80% described this as quality time

Source:  PopCap Games

Screen living continues to turn us on.  If 80% of parents say Guitar Hero kicks butt over Guitar Lessons, then bring on Milli Vanilli.  If two out of three play games daily with their children, then bye-bye badminton.

Hey, who can blame the ‘rents?  Our best diversions may have been Donkey Kong, Rockem’ Sockem’ Robots, or perhaps a bike.  As one dad snickered to me when I was barking about our kids’ digital jones,

C’mon.  You’re just jealous ‘cuz they have cooler stuff than you did.”

No doubt.  Still, there are still countless “cool” alternatives awaiting those open to off-screen quality time with their kids…

11  Quality Time Alternatives to Playing Computer Games with Your Children

1. Take guitar lessons and play that thing.
2. Bake a cake.  (Box will do.)
3. Go to outdoor sports event and get noisy.
4. Play cards, backgammon, checkers, or chess.
5. Light a bonfire, with plenty of flaming marshmallows.
6. Chase; young kids love it.
7. Read things out loud.
8. Play catch.
9. Dig out their old 3D toys.
10. Make hand-made cards for faraway friends.
11. Fish.

What’s your idea of quality time?  What would you add to the list?  I’m listening…

Some of us preach the Gospel of Sabbatical and insist your career will be fine—no, better!—with breaks.  I try to apply that lifestyle to my daily grind, which leads to a stubborn regimen of outdoor time, exercise, chillaxing, and unplugging.  Of all of these, unplugging has become the most impossible.  Help!

You can hide, but you can’t run away”

It’s summer.  Dive into it before the long days fade into fall, right? Do more bar-b-que and less Chili’s. Eat more fresh fruits and fewer roots.  Watch a parade, ball game, and fireworks instead of your various SCREENS.

But prepare to pay the price, which, for me, in a matter of a few days, included:

• 755 unread emails
• 2,400 messages in my in-box (which I sweep out regularly)
• Lost messages, a check, and a bill (yay!)
• A disappointed friend whose text invitation I did not notice
• A money mess

And yet, one feels so…attached”

The conundrum thickens.  The more you step away from your (digital) desk, the larger the (proverbial) piles will be when you return.  So it’s little wonder that people seem plugged in 24/7.  Just in the past few days, I’ve witnessed now-common things like…

• A senior citizen swerving while driving…because she was on her cel phone
• Members of my household doing three digital devices…while watching TV
• A gaggle of teen girls at a baseball game…all staring at their “smart” phones
• A young man texting while driving…while eating a Big Mac
• A jam-packed coffee shop…with everybody screen-ing, and nobody talking

I would prefer not to…”

When Herman Mellville’s novella, “Bartleby the Scrivener,” made famous that quote, he presaged how many of us feel about insistent digital demands.  But note that Bartleby’s “preference” is not an outright refusal.

And should you refuse, prepare to pay the price.

And for no one to listen.

As one of my morning rituals, I walk part-way to the bus stop with my teenage son.  We don’t say much.  It’s early and sometimes dark and cold, after all.  But like the other kids scrambling into the day, mine is often also sporting headphones and texting away.  On this late, lovely spring day, I’m grateful to be somewhat techno-challenged.

• Can U hr the brds?

Teens tend to be gaga about their pop music, but I’m gaga when the tulips start popping and the loons start wailing.  Of course, wherever you go these days, those springy sounds are often accompanied by the tap-tap-tap of texting.  (No, that’s NOT a distant woodpecker…)

In some ways, that tapping may be an upgrade from the clueless boors who used to bark into their cell phone for all to hear with no regard to the people (or nature) around them.  Evolution works in strange ways.  But I do hope these teens don’t become so digi-centric that they forget to stop and smell the lilacs.

• How bout a natr brk?

Although career breaks may be out of reach for many people, nature breaks are easy.  So are tech breaks!  And the ink keeps flowing on the healthful benefits of getting off your butt, getting outside, and doing something—anything!  Garden!  Bike!  Build a birdhouse!  Chase some rabbits!

Teens are smart; how else can they figure out all those devices?  Let’s hope they’re also smart enough to take off the headphones, put down the cellphones, and dig some real dirt once and a while.

Most people admit to fantasizing about a career break, but then claim they can’t do it due to the obvious obstacles—including that they are too busy.  They don’t have TIME.

But if people have so little time to plan their cherished dream, how do they have countless hours to publicize the minutiae of their existence on Facebook?

• WWMMD?

Miss Manners, that celebrated grande dame of etiquette, recently commented that she does not “like” some elements of Facebook—particularly when self-interested bores feel a need to update the world about their naps, oil changes, and grumpiness.   This Miss Manners follower could hardly agree more.

• TMI or TMF or WTF?

To be sure, Facebook could be charming—if only one could gather one’s wittiest friends for the occasional connection in the clouds.  But as Miss Manners suggests, FB has quickly become like the cocktail party at which some dullard corners you, gasses you, and won’t stop.

Miss Manners reminds us not just to speak (or should I say “post”), but also to listen (and then, at times, “comment”).  Oh my, what a glorious gathering FB could be if all our “friends” had more to offer the world than, for example, “Get into me.”

One has to be totally besotted with someone else to be fascinated by the mundane details of that person’s everyday life—as indeed, bores are with themselves.”

• Remember REAL faces—and REAL books?!

Will Facebook remain the new, happening thing ad nauseum?  Or will this trend eventually drop away like the pet rock?  No one knows—not even the divine (though not divinatory) Miss M.

Meanwhile, this gentleman endeavors to limit the time-drift that can transpire when studying “friends’” frivolities on FB, yet keep a well-mannered toe in its curious waters.

One also hopes that, ultimately, we might favor REAL faces, cherish time with REAL friends, and even enjoy a REAL book whenever possible.  Who knows?  Perhaps, with such judicious focus, we might even be able to REAL-ize a REAL BreakAway someday.

The news about 3D becoming commonplace is making the world all agog—and a-goggle.  Soon, even mobile digitalia images will jump off the screen.

Nintendo’s handheld 3D game arrives next month.  Sharp’s 3D smart phone shows up any day.  And 3D home theater systems will soon be de rigeur in every McMansion worth its stucco.

Oh sure, I’m a sucker for 3D movies when at the cine-mall—never mind the unfortunate up-charge.  Watching those meatballs fall from the sky (or whatever) boggles the senses.  Watching the smile (or sometimes, the scream) from my daughter thrills a dad any old day.

Still, the fuss seems sorta silly.

• After all, reality has been in 3D since Day One—eons before screen innovators found a way to imitate the magic.

One can only hope that the digitally addicted will not forget how to admire a sculpture, climb a tree, or explore a new neighborhood.

3D miracles still surround us in reality, too.  24/7.

While this site (and now many others) promote career breaks for personal sanity and growth, the resounding mass response remains, “Sounds great, but I can’t do that.”  

So here’s s tinier idea. Try a tech break: Take one day (24 hours) a week and turn off ALL your digitalia.  A high school in Woodstock NY did, and learned plenty. 

The experiment, chronicled here, lasted a month.  A survey at the end found that two out of 3 (65%) had stuck with the program.  

Not bad—considering that even academia has become addicted to screens and tech tools.  But of course, the social and habitual usage proved to be the most missed.  As one teacher admits:

“What’s astonishing to me is that my BlackBerry is not just a technological device, but also something I fidget with often…just to pass the time.” 

That’s a big confession for a teacher.  As a fellow educator, I often look out at my students—who are always wired about nine ways—and wonder what are they focused on right now?  Anything? 

Perhaps that’s the big brainpower question:

• Does all this data at our fingertips harm relationships and real learning—or indeed make us more productive as teachers and students? 

After the experiment ended, 75% of participants stated that being tech-untethered slowed down their production.  Yet one administrator wisely observed:

It forced us all to be creative in how to deliver our lessons, express curiosity, and learn from one another in a much more personal way.”  

Gosh, that sounds brilliant to me! 

To be continued?

No.  When the month was over, the students had had enough.  They wanted their MTV, err, tech tools (and toys) back.  Even one day a week was hard to endure. 

When teaching my classes, I do—now and then—ask them to close their laptops, put away their cell phones, get out a pen and paper, and just listen and take notes.  Or WRITE something.  For, say, 15 minutes or less.  That’s called journaling and note-taking–an admittedly radical experiment in contemporary education.

Recently, I collected their journals—to assess their ability to capture pertinent info and just jot their thoughts.  A few were marvelous, of course.  But beyond that, let’s just say I decided not to fight tech fate—but instead to be sympathetic grader.

What would you have done?

The most amazing thing happened to me last weekend.  I went to my daughter’s first-ever dance recital.  And at the beginning, the hosts passionately asked the hundreds of people in the audience to turn off and put away ALL devices—no phones, cameras, videos, iPads.  

Imagine:  Everyone complied.  There were NO digi-distractions.  Just dancing! 

For me, it was like going to a church that doesn’t exist any more.  The church of real experience.  Of being here now.  Of no rude intrusions by strangers and their tech toys.  Of everyone on the same stage—where talented dancers, music, costumes, lighting and more kicked butt over anything your digitalia can do.  In a word:  Wow! 

We are not alone.  Lately, media, bloggers, and even healthcare folks are questioning our obsession with these new playthings. 

For now, here’s an invitation to peruse some profound stuff and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” 

NYT’s Tara Parker-Pope asks “Are you hooked on technology?” and tells about netaddiction.com and their research into how the digi-drug gets into your system.  Next thing you know, you’re saying “just a minute” whenever someone wants your attention, just for starters. 

• This is your brain on computers

In another crushing NYT story—this on on the front page on 6/6/10—Matt Richtel digs into “Hooked on Gadgets, and Paying a Mental Price.”  You’ll learn about how this stuff is rewiring our brains, causing dopamine spurts, and making many “forget things like dinner plans…and focusing on our families.” (sic)

As one subject’s wife puts it:

It seems like he can no longer be fully in the moment.” 

On the bright side, this suggests that Mr. Distracted was once capable of being present, which perhaps offers hope that he can get there again…

• Does the internet make you dumb or dumber?

Meanwhile, the WSJ recently invited two writers to take sides on whether the internet makes you smarter or dumber.  Read their commentaries and then decide for yourself:  Yes or No.  None of this “It depends…” stuff.  That’s like voting for both candidates.  Why bother?

I’ll do the same—and get back to you soon with my final answer. 

Just now, though, I’m having some touble focusing.  Plus, I have to check out a few new links, comment on some blogs, make a few fixes on my site and catch up on my e-mails. 

Aw shoot, and I just remembered a bunch of texts on my iPhone that I must reply to.  It’s beeping at me.  Again.  And again. 

And…what the heckers?  It’s 10:30 and I’ve forgotten to eat a healthy breakfast?  That never used to happen!?! 

Anyway, I’ll get back to you soon with my final answer.  Promise. 

(What was the question?)

It would be a full-time job to keep up with the reports and studies about “kids these days.”  And although that might be fascinating, the screen-time would be devastating.  So instead, here’s a quick summary of some recent good stuff.

• The first mother tackles obesity

Michelle Obama has assumed the role of poster-mom to fight childhood obesity (largely due to too much screen time and not enough green time), and announces a website all about it. 

• Frontline digs deep into digitalia

Frontline’s “Digital Nation” discusses the good, the bad, and the ugly details of the tech revolution—including experts who suggest that today’s obsession with screen living will someday be compared to smoking, which was viewed as healthy and fun not many years ago. 

• Screen time goes through the roof

A recent Kaiser Family Report shows that kids now average 7.5 hours a day, with half of that time on more than one medium (TV + cell phone).  That’s more time than they spend in school, more time than their parents spend at work, and 12 times the minutes they spend reading.  Are there effects?  Hell, yes.  More screen time brings lower grades, more trouble, and sadness. 

Are we having fun yet?

When today’s kids grow up, will they know how to Unplug and turn down the noise so that they can hear their own “Aha” ideas when they arrive?  Health guru Archelle Georgiou thoughtfully pondered that question in her blog yesterday—along with her own need for down time. 

Ironically, the ease and ubiquity of techno tools may be stifling our inner creativity.  After all, do your most original Big Ideas come when you’re on-screen, in the shower, or enjoying a nap?  Georgiou goes for showers and naps—and finds support from the likes of Deepak Chopra and an MIT professor. 

No argument here.  And that’s true whether searching for a profound thought or just some simple calm.  But then, at this point in my life, screens often turn me off.  And I honestly prefer rituals such as yoga, exercise, meditation (even better when it becomes a nap!), cooking, gardening, and hanging out with family.

Of course, “time with family” often leads to my having to compete for attention against various cool Apple offspring.  And no, I’m rarely as fascinating.  Who is?  It’s certainly not the people or messages on the screen; they come and go like flakes of snow.  Heck, kids even skip through song bits.  Attention span:  Mashed. 

Meanwhile, conversations become increasingly fragmented.  And quiet, creative rumination becomes an endangered endeavor. 

That’s why, In My House, Unplugged time is programmed—rather like “quiet time” for toddlers.  And there are guidelines about when and where tech toys are allowed—not at the table; not in the bathroom; not when someone is talking to you; not first thing in the morning or last thing before bed. 

Sure, this Bad Cop often looks the other way, or issues a gentle warning when I might prefer locking all my housemates in a quiet, padded cell.  Where they would be forced to talk.  And think.  And listen.  And look at each other.  And maybe invent a game, or discover a Big Idea that helps make the world a better place. 

Out of desperation for a conversation with my cell-phone-fixated tweenager last night, I asked about the evolution of screen-ertainment for his posse:  Millsbury; Club Penguin; Webkins; iChat; Facebook; texting.  That’s all within the past few years. 

So what’s next?  Likely NOT Unplugging.  So when Georgiou mentions the 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts we all have daily, methinks they’ll be increasingly about whatever our screens bring us—rather than the possible inspiration within and around us. 

As Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor who studies social networking puts it:

If you’re being deluged by constant communication, the pressure to answer immediately is quite high.  So if you’re in the middle of a thought, forget it.” 

Hey, the silence around me just brought forth this Big Idea:  5 times a day, say, when you’re feeling “the pressure to answer” that deluge, forget it! 

If the Real World isn’t interesting enough and fails to engage you or offer meaning, consider Georgiou’s idea, “I think I’ll go take a shower.”