photo by Kirk Horsted

Does your mood go down when your floor gets piled up with stuff? Does your mind close when opening your closets reveals overabundance? Have you found that paper and possessions grow like a fungus among us? If so, you’re not alone—but you may need a clean BreakAway from Stuff Management.

No, it’s not always fun cleaning house and clearing out.  But it can work wonders for your Peace of Mind and ability to think (and see) openly.  Sometimes, it can even help others—and inspire a less materialistic lifestyle.  So as we head indoors for the cold season, this week’s BreakAway BreakThrough offers some ways to increase your sanity by reducing your assets… (more…)

photo by Kirk Horsted

It’s November, a month when few people vacation (turkey gobbling notwithstanding).  That’s understandable; it’s the grayest month of the year–and a prelude to the impending holiday frenzy.  But what is NOT understandable is that Americans set a new record last year by letting 436 million days of vacation days go UNUSED.*  What’s that worth?  A $19.3 billion kickback to employers.  Help!

That’s the bad (make that pitiful) news.  But it’s doubly disgusting given that American employees receive, on average, fewer vacation days (13) than any other developed nation.  Yet we can’t find a way to use it all—shorting ourselves by an average of 3 days that we’re due.  What’s wrong with us, and this picture!?!

Expedia sells vacations—and thus have an obvious motive for taking up the cause of Vacation Deprivation.  But their findings get support from many other sources, including the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.  Perhaps from you too?

• Take your time to live–LONGER

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photo by Kirk Horsted

Married With Children families are no longer the norm in this country, but they still command attention and fill the portrait of the American Dream.  A few generations ago, two incomes became the norm.  But now, that norm may be shifting—due to sour economic conditions, mounting workplace burdens and the growing “Opt-out Phenomenon.”

Women have always gotten the short end of the career ladder; they’re paid less and rise to leadership slower. That’s still improving—and I might argue that women now enjoy bigger strides than men in the areas of entrepreneurship and solidarity.  Moreover, they often benefit from quotas and other protections.

• Is work worth it?

But a new book by an economist and anthropologist asserts that a feminine backlash is happening:  Many women are choosing to stay home.  At least for a while—and for the family.

“Glass Ceilings and 100-Hour Couples:  What the Opt-Out Phenomenon Can Teach Us About Work and Family” takes a close look, and is worth a look.  After all, this downturn has made employers demand ever-more while workers cling fearfully to their cubicles and assembly lines.

• “It’s not a financial decision.”

Here at BreakAway, we believe that life’s most important decisions are rarely about money first.  And as for having and raising a family, well, there will likely be very few decisions as important—or long-lasting—in the typical parent’s time on earth.  Yet, the average liver will only actively parent only about 25% of their lifetime.

Why have children if you’re going to spend most of those precious years prioritizing a career?  Oh sure, you may have to cut corners and live more simply.  But most kids would rather have more quality time with their kinfolk than more plasma TVs.

It pays to BreakAway from the career for a while.  Work–like chores when your child says “Can you read me a story?” –can wait.

• What about Opt-Out men?

A standing O goes to Dianna Shandy and Karine Moe for writing this book.  I personally hope, though, that they or someone else will write the follow-up about men—for whom society often views opting out as dropping out.  The stigmas about men being bread-earners instead of bread-bakers are changing way more slowly than women’s roles.

photo by Kirk Horsted

A BreakAway is a spiritual thing.  A BreakAway brings on introspection—whether the pause is 10 minutes of meditation or 10 months in the Mediterranean.   It’s an opportunity to come face to face with ourselves–not just an escape to a “happier” place.

Many folks, it seems, deliberately resist slowing down their bodies and minds, and thus they avoid contemplation. We are too busy.  Or we find ways to numb and dumb down our spirit (e.g. TV, FB, PBR).

• Do people actually FEAR downtime?

Many Americans don’t take planned breaks.  Heck, many don’t even take their vacation allocation, as if they FEAR getting fired, bored or too deep into their own navel.

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (SK), a student of Fear and Anxiety, but also Love, encouraged introspection—and also understood the difference between despair and depression. My alma mater, St. Olaf College, was a place where one rarely graduated without a heavy dose of Kierkegaard (with a chaser of despair).

While my only Kierkegaard course spanked me with my only C, I feel blessed by the exposure and still ponder the wisdom. And despite the modern-day market’s onslaught of simplistic spiritual self-help, SK’s challenging works thrive on.  One need look no further than the hundreds of replies to this NYT opinion piece by St. Olaf’s reigning SK scholar (and part-time boxing trainer), Gordon Marino.

• Are  you happy!?!

“Are you happy?” has become a catchphrase of our times, with “happy” being the relentless pursuit—if not expectation—of everything from prescription pills (like Prozac) to popular blogsites (like “The Happiness Project”) to electronics shopping (Best Buy’s slogan is now “You, Happy”)

SK and Prof. Marino might rankle the unquestioning optimists, as neither seems to believe in effortless, auto-happiness.  As Marino writes,

If Kierkegaard were on Facebook or could post a You Tube video, he would certainly complain that we, who have listened to Prozac, have become deaf to the ancient distinction between psychological and spiritual disorders, between depression and despair.”

For some of us, the mental playground at times features wobbly mood swings and melancholy merry-go-rounds.  It ain’t always a walk in the park, but perhaps it beats a lifetime of Prozac dependency or, worse, dishonest self-talk and superficial soul-searching.

After all, Zen teachings insist that despair is not only universal, it’s part of the universal human experience—and offers the essential pathway to enlightenment.  When you think you’ve got it all figured out, think again.  Is there not always more to learn?  More to see?  More to ponder—for better or worse?

• Get lost:  It pays

To live—really live—is to get lost at times:  In a mission, in meditation, in the Caribbean.  How else does the spirit emerge and ascend?

Marino preaches the importance of the spirit, while also distinguishing one’s spirit from one’s ever-evolving mind.  You can have a healthy spirit—even when you suffer from depression.

These days, depression must run rampant; 10% of Americans are now on anti-depressants.  Søren would not be happy.  But he might prescribe more (not less) introspection, as does Marino:

Within a few years, e-mail and Twitter moved the art of letter writing to the trash bin. And in an age when all psychic life is being understood in terms of neurotransmitters, the art of introspection has become passé.”

Which brings us back to the beginning:  “A BreakAway is a spiritual thing.”

This website is dedicated to the notion of taking and making time to wander and float, in all forms and spaces, wherever that may lead (and it’s not always to Cloud 9).  A BreakAway forces (and welcomes) introspection—including to confront whatever despair may lurk within one’s self.  That face-off may feature…

• Longing…to step out of a rut and chase a dream
• Wanderlust…to let self and spirit run free for a while
• Escape…from an oppressive job, relationship or routine

From introspection, one hopes, comes true growth and—maybe—even true contentment, if not simple happiness.  Or, as Søren Kierkegaard put it…

There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”

photo by Kirk Horsted

BreakAway hates to be so fussy about the omnipresence of screen obsession. But really, aren’t we all tiring of people who can’t drive, socialize or—brace yourself—sit on the toilet without a laptop or cell phone? According to a recent survey commissioned by Intel, 75% of respondents think it’s perfectly fine to play with your digital friend while on the toilet.

The irony here, to quote the news release, is that

69% agreed that violations of these unspoken mobile etiquette guidelines, such as checking e-mails, sending text messages and making phone calls while in the company of others, are unacceptable.”

55% agreed that the nature of business today demands people always be connected via mobile devices, even if it means taking a laptop on vacation or answering a call during a meal.”

87% agreed that it is inappropriate to use a mobile device at religious venues.”

photo by Kirk Horsted

Last week my kiddos had a short week of school because of some teacher work/shirk days… Breaks like this are great, but they also present challenges: How do parents work? How do kids stay entertained? How can we take advantage of the extra long weekend? When I offered to take my 12-year old son on an overnighter to Lanesboro—a quaint nearby river town—I was pleasantly surprised by his enthusiastic “Yes! Let’s go!” And so we did.

We were gone only about 25 hours, yet if felt like a bona fide BreakAway. Why? Because it was just the two of us. Because Lanesboro was truly charming and full of friendly folks. Because we spoiled ourselves. Because we needed a break!

So I dedicate this week’s BreakAway BreakThrough post to all parents: Make time to hang out with your kids. While they’re still kids. You’ll feel younger yourself, discover what wonderful creatures you’ve created, and be reminded of all the (right) reasons you had children in the first place.

BABT12:11 Ways to Enjoy a Mini-BreakAway with Your Son

• Drive in silence and let him read an entire book—Jaws!
• Talk about the differences between small towns and big-city life.
• Point out antiques, farm life and natural beauty.
• Walk around town with no particular place to go.
• Peruse the gift shops to buy little somethings for Mom and Sister.
• Take happy hour at the American Legion and let him have extra popcorn & soda.
• Enjoy not one—but two—long, luxurious Jacuzzis.
• Dine at a funky, hippie eatery.
• Turn him on to great “old” music (e.g. CSNY) and show him an excellent but challenging movie (The Red Violin).
• Stay up late, sleep in late, and eat a big messy breakfast.
• Drive home through driving rain while blasting music, snacking and reminiscing.

The crazy-busy lives we lead may present cumbersome obstacles to taking big sabbaticals. But hey: Everybody can sneak in an over-nighter now and then, right? Your child will thank you. And you’ll get rich — with memories.

photo by Kirk Horsted

We are not alone. Word is getting ‘round! In “Burned Out? Take a Creative Sabbatical,” Lifehacker.com’s founder, Gina Trapani, preaches about the importance of down time for HarvardBusiness.org’s readers. After all, even the guys on Mad Men do it—while those who don’t may slowly go mad.  Or worse…burn out.

How do you use time off to refresh, rejuvenate, and yes, even make yourself more productive?”

The Usual Suspects check in. The executive coaches endorse life/work balance while gently promoting their services. A few of the Overworked & Underpaids complain that only the rich and lucky can afford a career break. And of course, BreakAwayGuy (me!) rebuts that “the folks that I know who have done the most exploring and traveling just tend to be stubborn, non-conformist types.”  In other words (as I point out in the 5 5-word mantras), sometimes it’s not a financial decision.

photo by Kirk Horsted

At the impressive UnSummit unconference Saturday, I hosted a session called “You: Unplugged” for a roomful of truly screen-centric souls. I was prepared to speak heresy and spark controversy. Imagine my surprise when, instead, they turned out to be moderate and mellow—with a good sense of concern and humor about their choices.

I’m hoping you inspire a digital riot. But instead of torches and pitchforks, they’ll have glowing iPhones.”

How do you do it? Do you unplug when traveling? Do you use GPS when in a new place? Don’t you get lost? Do you reply to comments on your blog?

It drives me wacko sometimes—being surrounded by people who choose to tap at their little screen rather than engage in the world (and people!) around them. But this article asserts the upside: communication, especially with teens. After all, getting your kids to connect is a timeless challenge. So we need every tool we can muster.

Psychologist Thomas W. Whelan, author of “Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go of Your 13-18 Year Olds,” offers this practical advice about becoming one with your kids via textology…

Instead of seeing the whole text thing as an enemy, see it as an ally.”

My philosophy is, `Stay in touch.’ E-mail, cell phone or text — it makes no difference to me”

One way to strengthen your relationship is to let the kids show you how to do it.”

As for me, unplugging—or at least setting some parameters and periods that are tech-lite and human/nature heavy—remains a worthwhile approach too. But as the people (of all ages) in MY life text ME more and more and I contemplate staying close with my kids as they mature, adapting will also be worthwhile.

And I must admit, watching one Mom get all giddy when she received a text from her daughter who had just bowled her first strike, well, that was pretty sweet and made us all LOL.