Coral Bay on St. John offers a stunning setting for a retreat, and I’ve loved this place for 21 years now.  But unlike a family farm, getaway sites feel eerily ephemeral.  CB may be “where tired angels come to rest,” yet devilish change is everywhere.  And “free time” itself sometimes seems neither unplugged nor uncomplicated.  It’s certainly not cheap. 

The faces change.  A fun-loving bar owner gets sick, then dies.  A charismatic captain gives up his craft.  An ubiquitous simpleton has gone missing.  And in our circle, the New York family we’ve met for three years with happily matching children has announced this is their last year here.  Many blessed ties that bind are fraying. 

Meanwhile, the fickle hand of Fate accosted CurlyGirl (6) today when she received a bunch of nasty stings—like welts from a whipping—from an unseen jellyfish. 

Call it her Requisite BreakAway Emergency, or a symbolic slap in the face.  A day of beachy bliss can turn to screaming dread faster than a stinger pricks skin. 

It harkened back to the same child’s medical misfortune almost a year ago to the day.  At least this one didn’t require a trip to the island ER.

It’s enough to make a guy on mini-Sabbatical cast away the snorkel mask and head back into the snowstorm. 

Four days in, the owies and adjustments offer evidence of the difference between a vacation (too fleeting) and a BreakAway (just long enough).  Margaritaville may not exist.  But we all have a craving—and a right—to pursue our cheeseburger in Paradise. 

Guess travel comes with costs

Getting to the place where you can get that burger is rarely half the fun.  It’s dang hard work.  Most folks don’t travel much, and that’s one reason why.  And as for kids, well, let’s just say they hardly ever carry their weight.  So the packing, schlepping, procuring and compromising can threaten your sanity and make sane people ask, “Is this worth it?” 

Is it worth…the price?  There are plenty of loaded (meaning “moneyed,” in this case) people roundabout.  And then there are the rest of us—who must numb our common senses to pony up for ever-rising airfare, and then pay double for everything here (if you can find what you’re looking for). 

I’m not spending my children’s inheritance; I’m spending my retirement!

But hey, I’d rather Die Broke than carry on cautiously.  And as this website repeats ad nauseum, why wait for retirement—since it may or may not happen—when you could possibly take temporary retirement throughout your life? 

The economic downturn has hit like a hurricane, though.  Charming shops are shuttered; eateries have ample empty tables in a peak week; more locals hang out lazily smoking pot while potholes in the road go lazily untended. 

Heck, this family has no business taking this year’s fast-lane vakay—since this self-employed’s business has been stuck in the slow lane for a year. 

I guess sometimes ease stays home.  Just ask the children, even if they are enthusiastic travelers, like mine.  Baby blue eyes cried, “I miss Daisy” (the cat) long before the jellyfish attack.  The tween-ager is missing much school and sports—again.  The new house-sitter missed the security code and the cops arrived in minutes.  What’s next? 

Travel risk is always next, potentially.  Like, our plane got airbound but a few hours later MSP was snowbound.  East Coasters here tell of arriving three days late due to their two feet of snow.  Another terrorist tried to explode another airplane.  And CurlyGirl’s relentless sinus-cum-ocean-bacteria virus may go ear-infection any time now. 

Plus, some prefer cooler climes—including my main travel mate.  They get frustrated by the heat, sand and bug bites and start itching for more to do than this sleepy place offers.  The internet is undependable.  Air conditioning–not.  And despite the water, water everywhere, you still can’t flush after number one or take a nice, long shower. 

And undisturbed views are getting scarce.  That metaphor could apply to many things.  But I’m talkin’ about yonder, in “my” front yard.  The new nayber is constructing a monument to himself that will massively block the pristine sea views and breezes from this Cloud 9. They take Paradise and put up a…McVilla. 

Guess Paradise just ain’t perfect

Yep, the first days have been been hot, wet, muggy, buggy, itchy, crabby, stinky and sting-y.  Way too many sailboats clog and pollute the harbor.  Heavy machinery grinds like monstrous dentists’ drills.  And until your inner clock gets reset to “island time,” you find your patience frequently frazzled.  What’s more…

Strange shtuff happens.  Awfully strange.  And though there may be more folklore than fact on your typical faraway isle, the many signs that linger about the two “Missing” people (including the aforementioned) stir chills.  Locals have stories about “what really happened,” and what hasn’t happened since.  More tales abound. 

So shut the blog up—and stay home? 

Guess there are too many bloggers & gurus in the cyber harbor.  Guess this site just ain’t taking flight—like millions of others.  Oh sure, I enjoy navel-gazing and spilling some guts and digital shots.  Sometimes I even keep the faith and believe blog star Seth Godin when he preaches, “Just do it more.  And do it better.”  But really now.  Really!

Still, I guess I must like it here.  On remote, sultry islands.  On a deck alone with a hot laptop atop tan thighs while watching squalls blow in from the British Virgins—while the gaffe-rigged ketch I used to crew on blows in from a daysail.  Here, on my fourth, fat, freaking BreakAway in the last 20 years. 

• Guess if that’s failure, bring it on

I haven’t had a margarita in ten years.  But could I still be searching for my lost shaker of salt?  I’m still searching for something (who ain’t?) and stooping so low as to be quoting Jimmy Buffet. 

But hell, if anyone has made a NAME and a BRAND and a BOATLOAD OF MONEY off BreakAway visions and delusions, he’s one. 

I’ll drink to that. 

So on that note, from a yellowed book off the shanty shelf that got nabbed for today’s five minutes of beach reading before the jellyfish assault, just this once, guess I will shut up and let Jimmy have the last word:

There will be no money left as I plan to spend it while I can, and when I die, I would like to be buried under a palm tree on the beach in an unmarked grave away from the maddening crowds like I saw today at Elvis’ grave.”

From “Tales from Margaritaville,” by Jimmy Buffett

Good news:  Author Dan Pink has a new book coming out on 12-29-09. Better news:  He’s taking an interest in Sabbaticals!  That gave me courage enough to invite him to visit BreakAway, and he kindly did, responding:

Glad you liked the Sagmeister post, gladder still you hipped me to your website. It rocks. I think you’re on to something big. (In fact, I write about this trend in my upcoming book.)”

Sagmeister, of course, is the world-famous graphic designer who closes his shop and takes a year off every seven or so—and generated quite a buzz when he preached about it during his TED conference appearance earlier this year. 

Mr. Pink may be one of the most in-demand thought leaders of our time, but he still found time to talk about what we’ll soon be reading—and Sabbaticals too.  Thanks, Dan! 

BA:  Your last book, A Whole New Mind, seemed about what the world needs now.  Would you say your new book, DRiVE, is more about what individuals need now?

Pink:  I actually never thought about it that way, but I think that’s not a bad way to put it.  One way to think about it is the last book was about the what of work. This book is more about the why—why we do what we do.  But there are a lot of lessons in this for individuals—about how they can find their own motivation, and maybe even set up a context that allows other people find their own motivation.

BA:  You describe that it’s time to move beyond the “carrot and stick” approach of work. What some of the new motivators—and can employers provide them? 

Pink:  We tend to think the way to get better performance out of people is carrots and sticks; we sweeten the reward, or stiffen the punishment.  That’s true for some things.  But science shows that for creative conceptual tasks, those sorts of motivators don’t work very well, and often have a whole array of collateral consequences. Sure, we need baseline rewards.  If people feel they’re not getting paid fairly, then there’s not going to be much motivation.  But once you get past that baseline level of compensation, it’s not even about fairness or massive amounts of money.  It’s about fair pay.  Money ceases to be a motivator, and in fact can be a DE-motivator.  So the goal, in many ways, is to take the issue of money off the table. 

The real motivators are things like autonomy, mastery and purpose.  Autonomy means the ability of people to direct their own lives—to have control over their time, technique, and team.   Mastery is the desire to get better at something that matters.  As for purpose, that’s serving something larger than ourselves.”

(more…)

The accompanying photo shows what kids on the tiny island of Grenada do: They hang out. It’s a third-world nation in many regards, but the kids seem truly happy and healthy.

Meanwhile, here in the US, screen time, sexting and violence keeps increasing.  And one of the few credible and influential critics of that culture just lost its voice.  Sad. 

Soon, the National Institute on Media and the Family will be without its primary source of funding, and had to hit the “off” button.  While there are other orgs and critics out there, few have had as much success battling the $20 billion a year gaming industry and preaching moderation and common sense to families.

Score one more for “Grand Theft Auto,” Facebook and the digitalia industry.  Never mind that…

• An AP-MTV poll finds 10% of young people surveyed had sent naked photos of themselves.
• 25% have been involved in sexting in some form.
• Kids spend an average of 44 hours week a average in front of a screen (TV, computer or video games). 
• 68% of school age children have TV or video game screens in their bedrooms. 
• 20,000 murders are seen on screen by the time a student graduates from high school.

It would be nice to end this post with something clever or hopeful.  But like the Institute, I’m suddenly speechless.

Saving money can be hard work. Worse: Many strategies have no obvious, immediate payoff. I mean, who can figure the savings for, like, not leaving all the lights on?  WSJ—that’s who.

This article has tips that are good for saving (for your BreakAways), good for the earth, and in some cases even good for your health. 

To encourage you to read more, here are a few pecuniary teasers:

• Cool down:  Turning down the thermostat can save hundreds yearly.
• Slow down:  Drive 55 and save 70 cents per gallon.
• Use your legs:  Biking or walking to work could easily save a thou or more annually. 
• Brown-bag it:  Save another thou (or more—and that may include daily calories!) by taking a lunch to work. 
• Don’t grocery-shop on an empty stomach.  
• Get a better credit card. 
• Get your DVDs from the library. 

Check it out!

Here’s yet another reason most people can’t manage a modest BreakAway: Nearly half don’t even get paid sick days. It’s no wonder flus and colds spread like wildfire. We can only hope that someday, sick days will be mandatory by law—and that meanwhile our workforce remains upright. 

Here are some other sickening facts: 

• Nearly four out of five low wage workers receive no paid sick leave.
• Only 16% of part-time employees get paid sick days.
• Only 60% of full-time workers can take a sick day with pay.  

Get the rest of the facts here from the government’s mouth.

To heck with the healthcare debate—let’s do something about keeping our population well by encouraging ill people to stay home, where they belong.

What do your Christmas memories look like? With any luck, you see some heartfelt, colorful scenes of gathering, feasting, singing, baking, decorating, giving, gratitude and more. Let’s hope those traditions live on—whatever your beliefs. And that the holidays bring a BreakAway from cold monotony and a time for connection and reflection. 

Be careful, however, when you leave the house or turn on the media.  Out there, the “holiday spending season” has morphed into the biggest capitalism train wreck ever—a sad, sickening farce devoid of spirituality, generosity and gentleness.

Consider…

• “Black Friday” has become responsible keeping our consumer-centric economy—and country—fiscally afloat. 
• Shopping numbers move newscasts and stocks like news of war. 
• Stores open as early as 3 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving.
• Shoppers line up hours before then, even in rain, snow and gloom of night.
• Violence happens routinely as crazed shoppers fight over bargains. 
• A debt-riddled society dives deeper into arrears, only to bestow stuff others may not want. 
• The materialism and waste piles up and the real messages get watered down, if not drowned. 

If Jesus were to visit, he’d probably weep. After all, the Bible says “The meek shall inherit the earth,” whereas in modern Christmas the earth is inheriting a greedy mess.

It’s not all one big Bah Humbugapalooza, however. No doubt individuals and groups all over the world still find significance in the holidays—and folks are fighting back against the meaningless money-fication of a holy season.

Just one such sign: More than 1,500 churches worldwide are participating in a program called “The Advent Conspiracy:”

An international movement restoring the scandal of Christmas by substituting compassion for consumption.” 

There’s also a book.  It dares to guide people to give presence, not presents—from the heart, not Wal-Mart. 

So while there’s reason to rant about the roadkill that Christmas is in danger of becoming, there is also—and is this not the main message of sacred holidays?—hope. 

Keep the faith!

photo by Kirk Horsted

Does your mood go down when your floor gets piled up with stuff? Does your mind close when opening your closets reveals overabundance? Have you found that paper and possessions grow like a fungus among us? If so, you’re not alone—but you may need a clean BreakAway from Stuff Management.

No, it’s not always fun cleaning house and clearing out.  But it can work wonders for your Peace of Mind and ability to think (and see) openly.  Sometimes, it can even help others—and inspire a less materialistic lifestyle.  So as we head indoors for the cold season, this week’s BreakAway BreakThrough offers some ways to increase your sanity by reducing your assets… (more…)

photo by Kirk Horsted

It’s November, a month when few people vacation (turkey gobbling notwithstanding).  That’s understandable; it’s the grayest month of the year–and a prelude to the impending holiday frenzy.  But what is NOT understandable is that Americans set a new record last year by letting 436 million days of vacation days go UNUSED.*  What’s that worth?  A $19.3 billion kickback to employers.  Help!

That’s the bad (make that pitiful) news.  But it’s doubly disgusting given that American employees receive, on average, fewer vacation days (13) than any other developed nation.  Yet we can’t find a way to use it all—shorting ourselves by an average of 3 days that we’re due.  What’s wrong with us, and this picture!?!

Expedia sells vacations—and thus have an obvious motive for taking up the cause of Vacation Deprivation.  But their findings get support from many other sources, including the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.  Perhaps from you too?

• Take your time to live–LONGER

(more…)

photo by Kirk Horsted

Married With Children families are no longer the norm in this country, but they still command attention and fill the portrait of the American Dream.  A few generations ago, two incomes became the norm.  But now, that norm may be shifting—due to sour economic conditions, mounting workplace burdens and the growing “Opt-out Phenomenon.”

Women have always gotten the short end of the career ladder; they’re paid less and rise to leadership slower. That’s still improving—and I might argue that women now enjoy bigger strides than men in the areas of entrepreneurship and solidarity.  Moreover, they often benefit from quotas and other protections.

• Is work worth it?

But a new book by an economist and anthropologist asserts that a feminine backlash is happening:  Many women are choosing to stay home.  At least for a while—and for the family.

“Glass Ceilings and 100-Hour Couples:  What the Opt-Out Phenomenon Can Teach Us About Work and Family” takes a close look, and is worth a look.  After all, this downturn has made employers demand ever-more while workers cling fearfully to their cubicles and assembly lines.

• “It’s not a financial decision.”

Here at BreakAway, we believe that life’s most important decisions are rarely about money first.  And as for having and raising a family, well, there will likely be very few decisions as important—or long-lasting—in the typical parent’s time on earth.  Yet, the average liver will only actively parent only about 25% of their lifetime.

Why have children if you’re going to spend most of those precious years prioritizing a career?  Oh sure, you may have to cut corners and live more simply.  But most kids would rather have more quality time with their kinfolk than more plasma TVs.

It pays to BreakAway from the career for a while.  Work–like chores when your child says “Can you read me a story?” –can wait.

• What about Opt-Out men?

A standing O goes to Dianna Shandy and Karine Moe for writing this book.  I personally hope, though, that they or someone else will write the follow-up about men—for whom society often views opting out as dropping out.  The stigmas about men being bread-earners instead of bread-bakers are changing way more slowly than women’s roles.

photo by Kirk Horsted

A BreakAway is a spiritual thing.  A BreakAway brings on introspection—whether the pause is 10 minutes of meditation or 10 months in the Mediterranean.   It’s an opportunity to come face to face with ourselves–not just an escape to a “happier” place.

Many folks, it seems, deliberately resist slowing down their bodies and minds, and thus they avoid contemplation. We are too busy.  Or we find ways to numb and dumb down our spirit (e.g. TV, FB, PBR).

• Do people actually FEAR downtime?

Many Americans don’t take planned breaks.  Heck, many don’t even take their vacation allocation, as if they FEAR getting fired, bored or too deep into their own navel.

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (SK), a student of Fear and Anxiety, but also Love, encouraged introspection—and also understood the difference between despair and depression. My alma mater, St. Olaf College, was a place where one rarely graduated without a heavy dose of Kierkegaard (with a chaser of despair).

While my only Kierkegaard course spanked me with my only C, I feel blessed by the exposure and still ponder the wisdom. And despite the modern-day market’s onslaught of simplistic spiritual self-help, SK’s challenging works thrive on.  One need look no further than the hundreds of replies to this NYT opinion piece by St. Olaf’s reigning SK scholar (and part-time boxing trainer), Gordon Marino.

• Are  you happy!?!

“Are you happy?” has become a catchphrase of our times, with “happy” being the relentless pursuit—if not expectation—of everything from prescription pills (like Prozac) to popular blogsites (like “The Happiness Project”) to electronics shopping (Best Buy’s slogan is now “You, Happy”)

SK and Prof. Marino might rankle the unquestioning optimists, as neither seems to believe in effortless, auto-happiness.  As Marino writes,

If Kierkegaard were on Facebook or could post a You Tube video, he would certainly complain that we, who have listened to Prozac, have become deaf to the ancient distinction between psychological and spiritual disorders, between depression and despair.”

For some of us, the mental playground at times features wobbly mood swings and melancholy merry-go-rounds.  It ain’t always a walk in the park, but perhaps it beats a lifetime of Prozac dependency or, worse, dishonest self-talk and superficial soul-searching.

After all, Zen teachings insist that despair is not only universal, it’s part of the universal human experience—and offers the essential pathway to enlightenment.  When you think you’ve got it all figured out, think again.  Is there not always more to learn?  More to see?  More to ponder—for better or worse?

• Get lost:  It pays

To live—really live—is to get lost at times:  In a mission, in meditation, in the Caribbean.  How else does the spirit emerge and ascend?

Marino preaches the importance of the spirit, while also distinguishing one’s spirit from one’s ever-evolving mind.  You can have a healthy spirit—even when you suffer from depression.

These days, depression must run rampant; 10% of Americans are now on anti-depressants.  Søren would not be happy.  But he might prescribe more (not less) introspection, as does Marino:

Within a few years, e-mail and Twitter moved the art of letter writing to the trash bin. And in an age when all psychic life is being understood in terms of neurotransmitters, the art of introspection has become passé.”

Which brings us back to the beginning:  “A BreakAway is a spiritual thing.”

This website is dedicated to the notion of taking and making time to wander and float, in all forms and spaces, wherever that may lead (and it’s not always to Cloud 9).  A BreakAway forces (and welcomes) introspection—including to confront whatever despair may lurk within one’s self.  That face-off may feature…

• Longing…to step out of a rut and chase a dream
• Wanderlust…to let self and spirit run free for a while
• Escape…from an oppressive job, relationship or routine

From introspection, one hopes, comes true growth and—maybe—even true contentment, if not simple happiness.  Or, as Søren Kierkegaard put it…

There is nothing with which every man is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he is capable of doing and becoming.”