Meet Scott, proudly representing my so many friends. Scott’s a BFF since 2nd grade, growing up in Soo Siddy and beyond, who spent the last few days prepping (and partying) with me at home on Lake Owasso. In this pic, we are afloat at Boji just a few weeks ago.

…because I have so many friends.” I found out I have cancer 13 days ago—and have since been bludgeoned by medical testing and intel, ridden a gut-wrenching roller-coaster of emotions, and been lovingly group-groped by friends near and afar. My diagnosis: If med-tech can’t cure cancer, then friends will.

I’ve been a lake aficionado all my life, with a special connection to one Lake Okoboji, Iowa. (Is this heaven?) I spent some college summers living the college-boy dream in Okoboji—on the water all day, waiting tables long nights, growing vegetables in between, and chilling in a hidden cabin with no phone or TV (just a giant stereo!).

My last summer, I was promoted to head waiter and worked alongside a legendary,76-year-old Maître D, Mr. R., who taught many friends the brilliant headliner above. (He also knew more bad—and by that I mean good—jokes than a convention of comedians.)

Mr. R. was cantankerous and flamboyant—with countless colorful tuxes, more jewelry than Liz Taylor, a what-critter-is-that toupee, and cigars the size of baseball bats. He’d end the night with two pockets full of $20s and announce, “I’m the luckiest main in the world…because I have so many friends.”

He was an anomaly in this community, a place he only “summered” to escape Des Moines. He drove a VW bug with a Mercedes front, knew everyone wherever he went, and might show up in woman’s clothes for huge Sunday parties, even at the Omaha blue bloods’ estates. This is northwestern Iowa. Folks work hard, clean harder, and didn’t know much diversity. But nobody gave a shit, not even all the frat boys who worked the joints and waters—or they just kept it to themselves and had another G&T.

And Mr. R. was right: He had SO MANY friends.

I’ll never match his je-ne-sais-quoi, or those like him who love limelight, or especially his taste in clothes and cigars. But I’m pretty sure I have even more friends. And I look forward to collecting those $20s, metaphorically, in food and fun and freaking out (if it comes to that) while I endure my cancer daze.

Chemo kick-off tomorrow morning. Keep them vibes and prayers comin’!

Cancer: WE got this. Thanks for joining me.

Hello World,

I know what you’re thinking: Nice hair, huh? Better look fast!

But let’s get right to the point, shall we? Cancer.

Today, (August 15) is National Relaxation Day. I hope this doesn’t mean we can only relax one day per year!

It’s been a great summer. Is there any other kind? Never mind that this blogger has suffered some shattering personal sh!t, starting in July. And then, this relaxer also got struck struck by some shocking health sh!t, as of last week. As Casey Kasem used to say, “The hits just keep on comin’!”

But despite the chilly sh!t-fan, there were also countless moments of relaxation. Repose. Rest. Beauty. And grace. Perhaps that’s why the wordsmith-ing got quiet? Oh yeah, and the aforementioned. But who wants to get stuck there on National Relaxation Day?

Instead, here are some random pics from the bliss that summer brought. Because  when life gets hard, there’s still an abundance of beauty most anywhere you look—and peaceful moments awaiting most anywhere life takes you.

• Golfing is relaxing…when you remember…it’s an outdoor game…to bring you zen.

• I’ve looked at clouds. From both sides now.

• Beer is beautiful. And relaxing!

• My favorite five-fingered flower that always shakes the blues!

• Daughter’s USA Cup soccer games at 7 am: The best reason go get up early!

• Root, root, root for the fireworks. If the home team can’t win, who cares?

• My garden is my playground. Plants, flowers, found art, and an angel or two…

• For pristine, eye-popping grandeur, consider Lake Superior.

• My children have taught me how to spell relaxation: H-A-M-M-O-C-K-I-N-G.

• Peace.

My son finished his first year at Princeton and promptly set out for his walkabout—5.5 weeks of backpacking and hammocking his way through Denmark and the French/Spanish/Italian Mediterranean. Nice (France) was already in the news for terror threats that affected Euro Cup soccer games. Then they made headlines when a Wacko mowed down hundreds celebrating Bastille Day, killing 84.

My boy arrived right after the first drama. He’d moved on before the Bastille Day tragedy. But it leaves a dad to wonder: Should I worry?

Of course. That’s what dads do.

Yet this stuff isn’t exactly new. And even when terrorism isn’t flaring, fears and threats persist. Some are relatively benign, but memorable: The time some Italian went ballistic at me on a train—no violence, but close—and I have no idea what set him off; strikes in Paris and Rome that look (and sound) edgy and can cancel critical travel plans; fights and gangs in front of your face (in US cities, of course).

As travelers, we move on. Literally and metaphorically. But as travelers, we also strive to be wise—embrace reality rather than feign Pollyanna.

Years ago, I created the Five Five-Word Mantras for seminars, speeches, and workshops. My thinking was more on preparation for complications and interruptions than global violence. Yet the advice applies, even to these extreme times:

Mantra #3: When all else fails, punt.

Before or during your Getaway, the Bad Thing could happen. A “What-if?” could become a “What Now?” If so, drop everything and tackle that problem. Put your Sabbatical on the back bench, or just plain punt. You can take another run at it later in this game we call Life.”

• Five Takeaways from that Five-Word Mantra

1. Bad things happen. Terrible things too. Even in Nice, France.

2. Shit can hit the fan before or during your BreakAway. Risk never stops, and long-term travel exposes you to more than you can logically list.

3. Practice, with self-talk and chat with friends, working through what you would do and get courageous, savvy strategies ready for the scenarios you fear most and variations of what-might-be.

4. If the Bad Thing hits, drop everything. Say to yourself (as suggested in another Mantra), “I knew this might happen.” Put your (new) plan to work. As Winston Churchill said, “Keep calm and carry on.” And, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

5. If need be, “Put your Sabbatical on the back bench, or just plain punt. You can take another run at it later in this game we call life.”

Recent random violence is eating away at our souls and taking large tolls on everything—including travel. But is this new? No. It’s just more terrible, unpredictable, and (for lack of a better word) televised.

My son is home safely, in New Jersey. But who knows what evils lurks there? That guy on the train didn’t assault me. But might not a stranger with a gun tomorrow?

Life is short. Change never rests. Maybe there’s no such thing as a Comfort Zone.

All the more reason to travel. Happy sails.

• WAR

During the Vietnam War, Canada welcomed most any American man whose conscience would not allow him to go to war and inflict harm on other people. Brilliant. Compassionate. Generous.

• CIVIL WAR

Today, we have a national epidemic of people shooting and harming one another—with violence and anger surrounding us and new tragedies flaring daily. My guess is, if there were a Canada option available, many people would flee the madness for a refuge.

• POLITICS

Some say they’d like to move if Donald Trump becomes President. Perhaps others feel that way about Hillary Clinton. Americans are dissatisfied, angry, and scared. All sorts of them, about all sorts of things, in ways not seen in decades.

• FAMILIAL ABUSE 

Others find themselves in broken families—living with (and often putting up with for years) partners or relatives who lie, cheat, abuse, and cause irreparable spiritual and physical harm—disregarding human necessities like love, kindness, and respect. When your own home and alleged loved ones knowingly hurt you, who can you turn to? You may feel like running away. And some do, sometimes for the better.

• WHERE TO GO? 

The Vietnam War may provide a model to these scenarios that have much in common. Sadly, Canada can’t just take every foreign soul who’s hurting so badly he can’t take it any more…or mad as hell and can’t take it any more.

• THE BAD-THING BREAKAWAY

Career-break advocates try to maintain an upbeat—if not dreamy—tone to the promise of an extended period for travel, reflection, adventure, and rest.

But in truth, many people’s “breaks” look more like running away—in hopes of escaping the madness, ending a long, domestic nightmare, or simply finding a place of peace and hope.

Is it a valid and viable solution to problems and pain? There is never a perfect answer. But sometimes, maybe it is. Even the fantasy can offer some solace. You may be trapped or suffering, but you must keep faith you’ll land in a better place.

You can start over most any time. Sometimes, you have no choice.

Keep the faith.

Yesterday’s Star Tribune included a hefty supplement about Minnesota’s best employers, as determined by the Strib and Pennsylvania’s Workplace Dynamics. The Twin Cities remain a top metro to work and live in according to umpteen surveys. And there’s plenty to love about how employers are creating innovative perks for employees—everything from Flannel Fridays to free beer.

Sadly missing, however, are sabbaticals. After perusing all 40 pages (including dozens of self-congrats ads from companies), I honestly don’t think the word or any like it appeared. Oh sure, some are upgrading their PTO and flex-work policies. But earning, say, a three-month BreakAway for seven years of service? Nary a mention, hint, or clue.

• Whatever the numbers, they’re low

It’s possible we don’t really know how many companies offer—and deliver—paid extended breaks. But we do know this much: Few do. According to the Society for Human Resource Management, about 5% offer paid sabbaticals and about 18% offer unpaid. According to Fortune, meanwhile, 25% of the 100 Best Companies to Work for have a program.

But as noted here in MYBA all too often, many companies—even well-intentioned ones—say they provide the perk. But few staffers dare to take their time. It reminds me of the clever neon hanging in a favorite bar: “Free drinks tomorrow.”

Here’s the thing: The USA now boasts an unemployment rate below 5%; it’s below 4% in Minnesota—and iterations of “Help Wanted” signs are omnipresent and getting detailed and creative. Many of these jobs are low-paying positions that may never be sabbatical material. But what about those who have worked their way up the ladder for years into management or dedicated careers?

They will probably burn out, grow resentful, and depend on a work ethic that is based more on short-term fear than on long-term, inspirational incentives.

Let’s hope for change; goodness knows employers must fight to attract and retain great talent. And most are certainly not doing it with pay; according to one article in the report, employee compensation peaked in 1970 and is nearing 60-year lows. Meantime, corporate profits are approaching 60-year highs. Executive pay is doing pretty okay, too.

For the rest of us—the salaried millions and minions—here are some perks that better employers have brewed up that seem to be creating a buzz for now. Decide for yourself whether you’d rather have Flannel Fridays or three months off.

• Free beer
• Intrapreneurial programs
• A prom
• “Thought leadership” blog posts for all
• Telecommuting options
• Student loan repayment assistance
• Emergency loans
• “Employee empowerment”
• Flex time
• 15-minute massages every other week
• Fitness centers
• Recreation areas
• Kitchens
• Community gardens
• Pizza parties
• Flannel Fridays
• Casual Fridays
• Food truck Fridays
• Dogs allowed (no mention of cats)
• Wellness classes
• Bowling teams
• Sharing financials
• ESOPs
• Boat rides
• Golf outings
• Yoga
• Happiness
• Donuts

P.S. No mention of vacations or family/parent/health leaves either…

TBEX, aka The Travel Blog Exchange, held its annual USA conference last week right here in the Twin Cities. The days were packed with speakers, sessions, networking, partying, and of course, all things blogging/SM/podcasting/etc. Some serious sponsors lined up to show themselves off—and show the travelers a good time.

My wrist hurt from taking notes. And my head hurt from trying to absorb all the info. As the only career-break evangelist in attendance, I both owned my turf and found myself defending the validity of BreakAways for work-addicted Americans.

But I gained good ideas to put to use—and happily share these fave 11 takeaways.

You meet the most interesting characters at a TBEX conference!

• 11 TBEX takeaways 

1. Avoid headlines like “11 Things I Learned.” So says Tom Bartel of the Travel Past 50 blog and past publisher of this metro’s City Pages. He’s right! (That’s why I rarely do it.) Tom’s session on writing with emotion included high-ed-level musings on literature and composition. Refreshing reminders in this age of txtng!

2. Minnesota is cool—not just cold. This biased local saw our surroundings in a new and bright light and was blown away by the hospitality, generosity, and richness of our towns. Standing O to the many tourism and visitor orgs that made it happen, and made it easy. But don’t even think about hosting such an event in January!

3. The Mall of America is here to stay. Before this Church of Spendology opened, some friends and I placed bets on how many years MOA it would succeed. We were all wrong. The place appears is clearly thriving and expanding. High 5s to comrade Leif Pettersen—travel writer, blogger, juggler, and happily employed MOA Tourism Communications Manager who worked his butt off and shook 555 hands.

Travel author (and pal) Doug Mack gets his mind blown by Leif Pettersen’s MOA-goggles.

4. Closing keynote speaker Andrew Zimmern is The Real Deal. This I already knew, as I used to play poker (get it?) with him (thanks to a mutual friend). But the menu of things he’s shuffling these days? Other-worldly. Transformative. Inspiring. Well done, Zim!

Celebrity chef Andrew Zimmern—The Real Deal.

5. E-books offer a viable way for us writers to get the word out quickly and affordably. And they keep getting more popular and do-able, according to Linda Aksomitis. There’s already a free one on my site (355 Days, about a one-year sabbatical in the Virgin Islands and Europe). But I’ve got two more drafts to polish up for publishing…if I can just find the time and, uh, stick-to-it-iveness.

6. Canadians are mighty fun, friendly people—and many were there. Thanks to Jillian Recksiedler and the Travel Manitoba folks for some rollicking opening-night hospitality. And bless forward-thinking Canada for building the profound Canadian Museum of Human Rights. Nice to have such nice neighbors to the north!

7. Bloggers who obsess about analytics may have it all wrong, assert the good people behind Travel Green Media and Green Global Travel. Better to have an engaged community than countless short-sighted eyeballs.

8. Video is the new photo; FB and IG are the new photo album; and digital advertising will soon bury TV—according to Sara Meaney of bvk, a super-savvy ad agency based in Milwaukee. Her presentation on curating content your audience craves was packed with powerful info, even it made one worry about the future of the written word.

9. It’s a good thing Lou Mongello left law. “We are storytellers,” he shouted from all  over the stage as he told some great stories and shared smart tips. Who knew you could ditch the law firm and make a mint as a Disney expert and entrepreneur? Lou! That’s who!

Entertaining entrepreneur Lou Mongello asks the hard questions.

10. Digital nomads are everywhere all the time. Some of them are even getting paid to wander. Just ask Mike, whose road trip just keeps going and going…
11. TBEX rocks. My expectations were modest. And one hears mixed reports about such gatherings from our oh-so-worldly tribe. Yet this event was first-class—one of the best (and cheapest) investments around. Their tagline, “The Future of Travel Media” is both ballsy and spot-on.

Stay tuned. And please support your local travel blogger.

But please remember to unplug from your screens and explore the real world too!

If you’re lucky, you have fond memories of getting away on Memorial Day and other holidays—and maybe heading off for a family vacation every now and again. If you’re really lucky, you’re still creating fresh memories. But many people aren’t. The latest numbers on our time-off habits give new meaning to the phrase workforce.

• As technology advances, free time retreats

A recent Boston Globe story on Americans’ fear of vacation profiles hard-working folks, interviews psychology pros, and basically leaves the reader exhausted enough to beg for a vacation. “I’m the kind of person who sleeps with an iPhone under my ear,” proclaims one entrepreneur. “People are worried about work piling up while they’re away,” explains a leader of Project: Time Off.

• May you live in interesting times

Unsurprisingly, vacation numbers stayed pretty static until about 2000—when tech tools became workaday-common and people turning into “work martyrs” became equally prevalent. Employee and general dissatisfaction has skyrocketed (just ask Trump and Sanders), while travel pros will tell you vacationers are often more concerned with excellent wifi than comfortable beds.

If you’re still with us (and not tending work emails), choke on these digits, courtesy of Expedia and a host of credible researchers…

500,000: Number of unused vacation days annually in the U.S.A.

$52,400,000: Value of those unused vacation days

47: Average work-week hours per person

6: Number of days it takes to significantly reduce stress levels

61%: Work while on vacation

• Sabbatical programs also suffering

One of this entrepreneur’s fantastic ideas is sabbatical consulting. Help a company launch a program? I have, but they quit when their numbers go south or a recession hits. Coach travel-craving professionals how to run away for 55 days? Done that. Yet most 5%-ers won’t step off the treadmill (while my vagabond mentors find a way regardless of bucks and buts). Apparently, our DNA has gotten rewired. For work.

Employers still shun the sabbatical, too. According to a recent overview, the number of companies offering long-term breaks has stayed stagnant for years. About 13% offer unpaid extended breaks; about 5% have a paid program. If you check out the various “Best Companies to Work For” lists, the number grows to about 20%.

“Fatigue sets in, rigidity applies, and all creativity and innovation are lost.”

But my formal and informal research finds that, for the most part, it’s a perk that’s rarely employed, yet remains on the list for recruiting and retention purposes. As one friend at a major-league firm with a sabbatical program told me, “I wouldn’t even think of asking HR about it.”

She also suggested I not contact them to help make BreakAways work for everyone. Including the corporation. And their bottom line. “There are stories about people who left for three months and came back to a demotion and a crappy office,” she lamented.

“Fatigue sets in, rigidity applies, and all creativity and innovation are lost.” So states Lotte Bailin, an MIT researcher and author of the book, Breaking the Mold: Redesigning Lives for Productive and Satisfying Lives.

Fatigue? Rigidity? Lost creativity and innovation? That sounds like a burned-out, bummed-out workforce. Vacation won’t kill you. But your job might.

Summer is here, and here’s proof: Happy Memorial Day!

Go make some memories.

The passing of Prince was sad in so many ways. But one sentiment I’ve heard over and over that hits hardest: Regret. One friend shared, “After seeing Purple Rain in 1984, I was so inspired I moved to the Twin Cities to escape my dreary small town life—and see Prince whenever possible. But I never made it to a show.”

That hurts. Because between 1984 and his death, Prince performed hundreds of times in the Twin Cities. There were always excuses to pass on the opportunity—too expensive, too far, “I’m too busy.” But he was available. And in my experience, the investment paid off with a priceless experience and a timeless memory.

Much like BreakAways. And people put them off for the same reasons. But compared to three-month journey, a Prince show provides an example of an attainable and affordable, yet potentially life-changing, event. The lesson remains: Don’t postpone your dreams—or concert desires. Or at some point, it’s too late.

I was lucky; I saw Prince several times—and followed his creativity and career for reasons including inspiration, awe, and curiosity. The loss shocked and digs deep. So I’m still more melancholy than ready to “celebrate” and dance in the streets.

But I’m so grateful that I grabbed the opportunities when they arose. Because there will be no more. May that reminder motivate more yesses to what may be fleeting chances.

• My Prince Tribute

11 days ago, the sky cried purple rain. I’m still feeling those tears.

I so feared this. Yet here we are. Prince has been a nonstop player on my life’s soundtrack since I first heard his music, thanks to a saucy waitress, while working in a restaurant during college. I was hooked. And have been blessed to have him in the cities, so seeing him early and often was easy. So many memories now flow.

Sitting on a speaker on the stage while he shredded the ceiling with an 11-piece band at Glam Slam. Getting a gentle high 5 from him when took a break right by me just off the stage at Rupert’s; he seemed so tiny, so tired—until he took that stage again. Singing along (on a birthday night out!) while he played several ballads with solo grand piano. Dancing way past midnight with the house lights on and the security agog at Target Center…and then he invited all remaining fans to Paisley Park—where he played until 6 am and ended the evening on the dance floor. Driving through a blizzard to make the Purple Rain show in St. Paul and passing his purple limo while en route. Watching him have a full-on snit at Met Center because the cops had broken up his PP party the night before, “I’ve got a bad attitude tonight, y’all!” Seeing a rarely-shown video of him jamming the blues with a power trio in the upstairs studio of his short-lived Uptown store; I’ve never heard anybody play the blues better.

Nothing compares to Prince.

He embodied life’s mysteries—and was obsessed with God, sex, love, fashion, art, privacy, controversy, control, and, of course, music. He played every instrument. Wrote 1,000s of songs. Mixed and recorded his own material. He cared little about what other people thought. But cared deeply about his fans and his legacy—which is beyond measure. Having him around was one of the best reasons to stay in Minnesota. We never knew what he was going to do next—but couldn’t wait to find out—and he took delight in surprising us. Heck, he shopped LPs at the Electric Fetus and appeared at a PP dance party just a few days before his death…

By fearlessly chasing his visions and passions, he became the most talented rock star that ever lived. Yet he felt more like a friend.

May his courage and creativity live on by inspiring us fans to aim for the same.

I’ll miss him very much.

Last month, the United Nations declared Denmark the happiest country of the 156 they surveyed. For the third time. Since 2012. “Happiness” may be a worn-out word and hard-to-measure commodity. But the UN has cred. And for this (admittedly biased) Danish-American and world traveler, Denmark certainly gets my vote.

But why? Press coverage offers good answers and theories every time the country wins. And here are five of mine.

5 reasons why Denmark is the happiest nation

• Denmark has pride

Danish pride leans toward the subtle and sincere—not the USA!USA!USA! kind of pride screaming through America’s jingoistic masses. Rather, Danes find pride in supporting their businesses, minimizing pollution, keeping things clean, revering tradition, and respecting each other. The feeling is visible and palpable.

• Denmark celebrates culture

The arts of all kinds are omnipresent in Denmark. The libraries (as in the picture, above) feel more like playrooms. That renowned Danish design is everywhere you look, yet so is visual variety and crazy-different history. From breakfast pastries to stunning museums, from second-hand stores to Copenhagen’s famed shopping district, “distinctly Danish” describes most every detail. You’ll have a hard time finding a McDonald’s, Starbuck’s, or Budweiser.

• The Danes are open-minded

Danes have little interest in debating lifestyle options that make many religions and politicians pontificate ad nauseum. Their socialist-democratic style of government and individual entitlements ensure that most folks have few worries. And few folks worry about telling others how to live their lives.

Does all this permissiveness make Denmark unsafe? Hardly. During my last three-week visit a few years ago, I saw one cop. He carried no gun. He looked lost.

• Danes practice “hyggelig”

Hyggelig is hard to explain; it’s more of a feeling—that cozy, warm, comfortable, secure sensation that might happen when you, say, curl up by the fire with your BFF, guitar, cat, and beverage of choice. It has to do with food, family, fun, and enjoying what you have—even if the day may be cold, wet, and gray.

• Danes value freedom of time

Despite the rumors, Danes are driven, hard-working people—fiercely independent and self-sufficient. That’s how they compete in the world economy and afford their way of life. But they value their free time even moreso—with short work weeks, family leaves, and lifelong education—and generous vacations.

Might a young Dane be encouraged to fill the backpack and take a gap year? Ja! Might a family put careers on hold and sail off to a one-year sabbatical? Ja! Might BreakAways to their pristine natural settings, to neighboring EU nations, or to tour the world be more of an birthright than a faraway fantasy? Ja!

It’s no wonder that the likes of Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders find themselves discussing Denmark as an example of how a country can succeed—for everyone, not just the 1%. The world is noticing. So does the UN.

Denmark, you win. I’m happy for you.